1. Try to get a complete picture of the child’s “homework scene” Encourage parents to discuss the details of working with their child at home such as where the homework is done, where the child is sitting, and where the parents are during homework time.

2. Encourage parents to establish one space, preferably quiet, in the home for doing homework.

3. Try to get parents/partners to work together with children on homework. On a given night, one parent may be able to get results that the other can’t.

4. Encourage the use of props, especially for counting. These could include toys, objects such as clothespins, or favorite foods.

5. Encourage parents to ask questions about the homework and education of their child. Remember, this could be unfamiliar territory to them, and they may feel intimidated. When possible, make sure that both parents hear your answers.

6. Start a notebook for parents and include your professional e-mail address. Communicate frequently.

7. If your homework doesn’t seem age/grade appropriate, send short explanations home telling why you’re assigning it. This will motivate parents to help complete the homework.

8. Convey as many tips and tricks from the classroom as possible to parents. For instance, my son’s teachers had him using little pencils, like those from a miniature golf course, to improve his grip when writing.

9. In conferences, the parents may be in front of you, but sometimes the whole family is attending the conference, even if the siblings or grandparents aren’t there. If you have the right relationship with the parent, ask about the siblings.

10. Help make it clear which routines and educational tools for children with special needs should be similar and which should be different between home and school.

11. Try to not lecture parents on matters outside your expertise.

12. Your parents are going to be trying their own tactics. Communicate and learn from them.

Jill Cornfield and Jeff Stimpson’s son Alex is 11 and diagnosed with autism (PDD-NOS). Stimpson is the author of Alex: The Fathering of a Preemie, and Alex the Boy: Episodes From a Family’s Life With Autism.

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One of Life’s Tough Lessons: We Do Make a Difference
By Susan Fitzell, February 15, 2000

I have something to share tonight… not sure why, except that I need to…

I went to a concert at my son’s school. There was a resident artist there, a musician, Randy Armstrong, that I have been following since my college days. Wow, that’s over 20 years.

It was a wonderful concert and to see the spark that Randy ignited in my son by inspiring a passion for the African drum was a wonderful thing.

But, the night was bitter sweet.

Well over a year ago, the principal at my children’s school, Mr. F. had a sudden aneurysm and stroke. He is probably in his early 50’s. He had all kinds of complications that didn’t allow him to recover, as we would have hoped.

He was a man who lived his life for his school. He had been the principal there for at least twenty years. I was fortunate enough to get to know him when he allowed me to do my conflict resolution practicum in his school. To my daughter, he was an extremely special man. My son, although he only knew him for a little over a year in school, had tottered around the building from the time he was two. He also, knew the principal well.

I consider myself to be a very spiritual person, however, I had a very hard time accepting that this charismatic man, this man who had given his life for the community’s children, this man who would bend over backward to help me, my children, and set such a strong positive role model for generations of children would be dealt such a blow.

I know it is not my place to question why things happen the way they do. Even if I do question, there are no answers. All I can think of is the loss that everyone who loves him feels and the loss for all the children who won’t know this great man the way he was.

He came to the show tonight. As he entered on his walker, he looked frail. The entire auditorium rose and cheered and let out whoops of happiness to see him. I did to. But, then I cried. I’m not sure all that I’m crying for, but the tears flow nevertheless.

My daughter wanted to see him after the show. She was his shining star. She knew that. She was warned that he might not remember her name, but, in her young mind, her hope was that he would. She thought, “How could he forget her?”

I went with her. I’m grateful that I was there to support her. As she met him, he looked at her like he knew her, but kept saying, “I can’t remember your name.” He looked at me, and I saw recognition in his eyes, but pain. I told him who we were and he started to cry. He said, “I can’t remember names. This stroke did this. It’s so frustrating, I can’t remember names.” I hugged him, and said it was OK.  But, I knew, to him, it wasn’t. One of the things he prided himself in all his years as principal was that he knew every name of every child in the school.

My daughter and I came home. We had a bedroom talk about life, fairness, expectations, letting go, life lessons and harsh realities. And, we cried. I tried to tell her that the past has not changed. She still holds it in her heart and her mind. And the future is just different. Maybe there is a lesson for us to learn here, too.

I am a teacher. He, a principal, was also a teacher. In a different way, he still is one. So many times in life, we wonder what we give to our students, our families, our children, and the world. So many times we question the value of our own lives or our own contribution. Maybe it is not ours to question. Only those who experience life with us, whose lives we have touched and whose lives have touched ours, can really know what it is that we give. Could he have really known how much he was loved? How much he gave to the children in his building? I doubt it.

He is still touching my life. His experience has made me look at life differently. I guess facing your own mortality does that.

People constantly tell me to rest, to slow down, that I will die young if I keep the pace that I keep. Well, there are two ways to look at life. One way is to go through life more relaxed attempting to preserve my health and savor the moments. The other is to live every moment with as much gusto as I can because I can’t foresee the future. My life as I know it could change tomorrow. So, I want to experience everything that I can and give as much as I can to the world now, while I can.

Another thing he is teaching me is that as teachers, principals, peacemakers, humans contributing to the world, even when we think our contribution is minimal, that our efforts are in vain, that our voices are not heard, someone we have touched has learned from what we have given, has grown from our efforts, and has heard our words. We just seldom know it.

My daughter told me of her first memory with Mr. F. It was a simple moment of teasing over a troll she had in show and tell. I’m sure he walked away that day and thought no more of it. But, 7 years later, she still remembers it. To her, it meant he noticed her, that he cared for her, that he liked her. At that time, *that* was important to her.

We touch lives. Even the mistakes we make in our lives are opportunities for ourselves and others to grow. We touch lives for good or for bad. Sometimes it is the smallest of acts that is remembered. For me, tonight was a powerful reminder of that simple truth because this man has touched my life more than he could ever know.

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Teaching point of view to young students

When considering  teaching peaceful classroom or conflict resolution skills to preschoolers, the most important developmental aspect to keep in mind is that they are unable to see another person’s point of view.

They are very egocentric. They have, however, a natural developmental capacity for empathy that needs to be allowed to flourish.

Have you had the experience of sharing stories in circle time with preschoolers and one child had a sad story to tell? Maybe his dog died and he started to cry. The next thing you know, several children are crying inconsolably. What happened? Empathy happened.

Preschoolers have the emotional ability to pick up on the feelings of other children and to match them to their own. If, in a given situation, they cannot do this, it is often because they do not have the vocabulary for the emotion. They cannot identify with the feeling if they cannot label it.

Therefore an excellent tool to use with preschoolers is one of those posters with all the labeled ‘emotion’ faces.  Children can spot how they’re feeling on the poster. You can give them the name for the emotion. As they develop a vocabulary for their emotions, they are able to empathize with that emotion.

You can find a Moodz Poster by clicking on the link.

Developmentally appropriate conflict resolution solutions! Get this Book Now! A unique approach to helping ourselves and our children deal with conflict Get Susan Fitzell’s book now. Don’t waste any time Free the Children, Conflict Education for Strong, Peaceful Minds Bring Susan to your campus! Featured seminar – Bullying: Choices and Consequences

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Using music to teach peace.

Use music to teach concepts of peace, cooperation, and sharing. Make music a part of every day. Preschoolers love music. It is amazing how much they can learn from the music that they listen to.

When my daughter was 18 months old, I discovered Brite Music). Brite Music has a tape called Safety Kids that teaches children safety rules, including their telephone number and what to do if they are lost in a store.

By the age of 2 ½, my daughter could sing her phone number. When we’d go to the mall, I would ask her what she should do if she got lost. She could tell me. She learned through the music. Consider how children learn their ABC’s. Look at the power of music and jingles in commercials. Music makes an impression that is remembered.

I highly recommend Brite Music. My favorite Brite Music tape is Someone Special You. This tape not only has a message for children, it has a message for all of us. Songs like “I Made A Mistake” (mistakes are for learning), “Think, Feel, Do Polka,” and “I Can Choose The Things I Think” are empowering and uplifting.

Another excellent tape is Teaching Peace by Red Grammer. Although this tape is a bit worldly for this age group, some of the songs relate to children and their feelings. Others relate to world concepts. It is positive music that introduces concepts of peace and world ‘oneness.’ Developmentally, it’s a little above preschoolers, but I think it still has value.

For more on Motivating Students, Get the book today! Bring Susan to your campus! How Can School & Home Develop Motivation and Success for Youth? Give your students the priceless gifts of empowerment, accountability, and motivation to tackle any learning challenge. Learn practical strategies today and implement them in your curriculum tomorrow. Bring Susan to your campus! Featured seminar – How Can School & Home Develop Motivation and Success for Youth?

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Discipline for Preschoolers

I found it frustrating when, after I had used all the ‘right’ words in disciplining my preschool children, one of them would say, “I was bad.” Often they needed a hug afterwards to reassure them that they were still loved.

I remember a school of thought that preached, “If you hug children after they have been disciplined, it undoes the discipline. You’ll spoil them.” I disagree! A hug can be accompanied with, “I still love you. I just don’t like what you did.” It is best to specifically describe the unacceptable behavior. Many times, my children’s understanding of what they did wrong was totally different from mine.

Rules

Children of this age are conscious of rules and see them as sacred and untouchable, although they may not always follow them. They obey rules out of a fear of punishment or a fear of losing someone’s love and support.

When they disobey, it is often because they are in the moment, following their impulses and curiosities. They do not have the cognitive ability to analyze consequences of their behavior ahead of time. Preschool children have difficulty seeing cause and effect. It is hard for them to understand how their behavior affects other people.

They often cannot predict what impact their actions might have on someone and, once they have acted, may be unable to look back and connect the behavior to the consequence. They also have extreme difficulty explaining why they did something. They truly don’t know. It is better not to ask. Asking “Why?” is an exercise in futility.

When a rule is broken, it is the size of the consequence, not the intention of the rule breaker that is important to preschool children. They are very literal and concrete. If someone steps on a child’s toy and breaks it, it is the broken toy that is focused on, not the intent of the person who stepped on it.

Whether the toy got broken accidentally or intentionally, the toy’s owner will react the same. Conceptually, “He did it on purpose” or “It was an accident” are not clear statements to the preschooler. The vocabulary in itself is problematic for preschoolers. My son would do something accidentally and tell me he did it on purpose. The concepts of ‘deliberation’ and ‘accidentality’ were too abstract for him.

Self-esteem

Preschool children want to be accepted, liked, and loved. Consequently, teachers and parents often hear (or see) from the child as a reaction to discipline, “You hate me!” Because children’s primary goal is to be loved, their reaction to disapproval of their behavior is to fear that love has been withdrawn.

For this reason, it is very important that children not be labeled ‘bad.’ “You are a bad girl” means to the preschooler, “You are not accepted” or “You are not loved”. Children aren’t bad; behavior is bad, and as such unacceptable. I cannot emphasize this distinction enough. Even if you are diligent about speaking to children about their behavior, reassuring them that they are OK and loved but that their behavior is not OK, children of this age will still have difficulty separating the two.

Excerpted from Free the Children by Susan Gingras Fitzell.

Developmentally appropriate conflict resolution solutions! Get this Book Now! A unique approach to helping ourselves and our children deal with conflict Get Susan Fitzell's book now. Don't waste any time Free the Children, Conflict Education for Strong, Peaceful Minds Bring Susan to your campus! Featured seminar – Bullying: Choices and Consequences

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Puppet Shows for Peace

Trying to teach young students conflict resolution can often be difficult.  At a young age, many children still do not know how to label their emotions or properly communicate how they are feeling.  This makes using techniques for conflict education used for older students, like role playing and group discussions, difficult.

One way to teach at the level of young students is to put on a puppet show.  Use puppets to act out conflict situations.  Engage the children in a discussion of how the puppets can resolve their problems peacefully.  This can be done both spontaneously, or as a planned activity.

Spontaneous Activity:

If a conflict is occurring in the classroom, choose puppets to act out the conflict.  The teacher may play one of the characters, using words the children would use in the conflict.  One of the children could control the other puppet.  The puppets “act out” the conflict.  The teacher could also use the puppets to act out two or three different ways of handling the conflict.  Ask the children to suggest what the child puppet might say in response.

Planned Activity:

The teacher and the children could make up several skits using the puppets.  They should be kept very short for young kids.  Have the skits demonstrate a peaceful way to resolve a typical conflict.  (Choose conflicts that occur within the classroom.)  Act out both a “fighting” way to resolve a conflict and an “avoiding” way to handle conflict.  After the puppet shows, talk about the puppets’ behavior.

Using puppets to act out real conflicts for the children puts the situation at a safe distance from their emotional reality.  This enables the children to be more objective and comfortable with the activity.

Excerpted from Free the Children by Susan Gingras Fitzell.

Developmentally appropriate conflict resolution solutions! Get this Book Now! A unique approach to helping ourselves and our children deal with conflict Get Susan Fitzell’s book now. Don’t waste any time Free the Children, Conflict Education for Strong, Peaceful Minds Bring Susan to your campus! Featured seminar – Bullying: Choices and Consequences

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What is Empowerment?

Last week, I talked about the importance of teaching students to be empowered.  Empowerment is the belief that you can do something and have the skills and resources to do it. Empowerment is having the ability, power, and authority to act on your own behalf. Empowerment is the belief that you are in charge of yourself, your choices, and your decisions.

Children become empowered when they are allowed to make decisions and take responsibility for those decisions. Everything we do is a choice. Even indecision is a choice: we decide not to decide. When we realize that we have choices and own the outcome of those choices, we are empowered. When we are affirmed because of our choices and the learning derived from them, we are empowered.

When children feel powerless, they cannot act on their own behalf. Children who do not feel empowered will not be able to stand up for themselves against a bully or against peer pressure and drugs. Empowerment and self-esteem go hand in hand. One truly cannot exist without the other.

Affirming children is one way to encourage a sense of empowerment. I’ve always believed in the power of suggestion. When my kids were still living at home, I would check on my sleeping children every night before I retired. I’d kiss them good-night and say two things to them: “I love you” and “You are very special.” Sometimes, in their sleep, they would smile and agree with me. I’ve done this since they were infants. I’ve read about people learning from tapes while they are sleeping. I figured it’s worth a try.

Consider these practical ideas to promote empowerment:

• Use authoritative discipline.
• Create opportunities for decision making, problem solving, and leadership.
• Teach the ‘bully’ to get what he/she needs without bullying.
• Teach the ‘victim’ how NOT to be a victim.
• Teach children WHY people do what they do. Understanding reduces fear. Fear is the greatest obstacle to empowerment and self-esteem.
• Teach skills that help children to feel empowered.

For more on Motivating Students, Get the book today! Bring Susan to your campus! How Can School & Home Develop Motivation and Success for Youth? Give your students the priceless gifts of empowerment, accountability, and motivation to tackle any learning challenge. Learn practical strategies today and implement them in your curriculum tomorrow. Bring Susan to your campus! Featured seminar – How Can School & Home Develop Motivation and Success for Youth?

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• Provide a comfortable place in which to work without distractions, like a desk or table.  Homework should be done in the same ‘space’ as much a possible.
• If possible, use full-spectrum lighting.
• Calm the homework beast with music at 60 beats/minute or less to help with attention issues and sensory processing, support organized body movement, and assist in actively engaging the learner and providing structure for organized thinking

Music suggestions:

• Native American Flute
• Peruvian Mantra
• Mozart for Learning (Caution: Some Classical is too rambunctious. The key is 60 beats per minute or less.)
• Enya
• Typically, music without words (which may be distracting)

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As a child growing up with a diagnosed but unspecified learning disability, I was often told that I was intelligent but that I learned differently. I believed that wholeheartedly until I was in high school. In high school, I began to realize that the students that learned easier got into better colleges and, in my mind, as a result would have a more successful life.  Regardless of how I perceived that statement at the time,no one ever explained to me what it meant for me, or any of the other “bright” students with learning disabilities, to learn differently.

Sure, I was given accommodations concerning spelling, and math, and handwriting, and things like that. They were all written into my IEP, but I didn’t remember being given space to learn differently than the other students. I think if my mom or one of my teachers had been able to read a blog about the ways students with learning disabilities learned differently, I would have found my way to success with much less stress.

Although I didn’t know my specific diagnosis at the time, as a child with NLD I was not a trouble maker at school, I didn’t draw attention to myself in any way. I was good at paying attention and always looked engaged and on task in school. I did my homework every night on my own without complaint and I would work until I was done, no matter how long it took to complete my work. I know some children with NLD act out due to the stress of having to deal with so many challenges each day, but many of us are very well behaved at school. In some ways this was a problem. My teachers thought I was understanding more information then I was. The students who were causing trouble and drawing attention to themselves were the first to receive help.

Looking back, I wish my teachers would have known that a child like myself will often appear like they understand new information when they might not be. As a parent, you can help your child from getting behind at school by hanging with them while doing their homework, even if your child usually does their homework independently, as I did.

Talk with your child about the homework that they are doing. Ask about how the teacher explained the subject material and ask them to explain the work back to you. If your child seems to be confused about the concepts or how to do their homework, spend some time thinking about when your child has had success learning. Was it at school with a different teacher? Was it outside of school? I used to learn information very well when I went to science museums, zoos, and other educational attractions, or from watching educational television shows or by being read to at home. In these situations I was learning for fun. There was no pressure to learn the material at any speed and I did not have to interact with too many people while learning. My focus could be on the new information and I could learn as much or as little at as I caught on to.

It happened in higher education as well.  I remember in college that a professor I had felt that we would all get so much more out of her lectures if we read the text first, but I found I got more out of the reading if I was exposed to some of the details I would be learning about in her lecture before having all the new information in front of me in the text.

Looking back, I can see that it would have helped me to learn in school with less stress if I was able to master information and tasks in a less pressure environment. For example, as an adult I have discovered that I learn best when I interact with someone first, or when I am led through the information or the process and am allowed to ask questions as I go. This can be put into action during the child’s time in the special education room.

Unlike when I went to the zoo, at school I needed to learn all the information presented to me in class. After being led through the information in the special education room, I would fully comprehend what I was learning if I was able to read about the information on my own time. This allowed me to engage deeper with the material I was learning. This learning is perfect for homework time.

I think I finally understand what it means when people say students with learning disabilities are smart, but they learn in a different way. For me, I learn best when I am able to turn everything verbal (being told information by a person while being able to ask questions, then spending time reading the material later). For some dyslexic children, it might be the opposite. An adult gifted dyslexic told me he thinks in pictures and found success while working with his hands. Children like him may need to make information visual and tactile. Drawing pictures and making models will help these students. For a student with Aspergers, simply being given a book on the subject they are learning may be the most helpful. This way, the Aspergers student would not have to spend their mental energy trying to socially interact with their instructor. Instead, the student can put their strong rote memorizing skills to work.

I think if students with learning disabilities need more then simple accommodations for success in later life, they should also be allowed to engage with new material in a way that their brain learns best. We students with learning disabilities will more often reach our full potential and have a lot of success in higher education and in their adult lives. We will prove to be intelligent people who simply learn differently!

Anna is a freelance writer, taking on projects as varied as stories about her ups and downs with NLD and dyscalculia to copywriting projects that help businesses and organizations connect their products and services to their customers. She holds a Bachelor of Arts Degree in journalism from Keene State College and was a staff reporter at the former newspapers The Connecticut Valley Spectator and the Argus Champion. Through her writing, Anna hopes to bring more awareness to learning disabilities, especially the little known ones she has, and help others with learning disabilities succeed in their lives. Anna can be reached at Anna.Super01@gmail.com.

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Am I Tattling or Reporting?

Tattling is telling or complaining about the actions of another person or group. Children often go to their teacher hoping they will solve their problems rather than trying to work their troubles out for themselves. Reporting is about bringing facts to the attention of a teacher or adult so that others are safe. Children need to be taught that it is necessary to tell if they or others are hurt, in danger, or being bullied. This poster offers teachers, parents, and youth professionals a tool to help children identify the differences between tattling and reporting.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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