Neurodivergent Women at Work

The difficult conversation we need to have before diving into neurodiversity in the workplace

We understand that the reason businesses exist is to make money. So naturally, an employer wants people who can best contribute to that goal. From the start of the industrial revolution, the ideal employee had no “hindrances” in helping the company meet its goals. As such, types of work were divided along gender lines. The striation is evident even today. Thankfully, the needs of society in the 1700s are not the needs of today. Further, current issues need innovative, out-of-the-box solutions, so a cookie-cutter “ideal” doesn’t have to exist for many roles.

Enter neurodivergent (ND) women. The stats regarding employment rates for this population sector are frighteningly low, and not for the reasons you think. Consider the following:

• Humans still, subconsciously, at least, prefer sameness when employing others which translates into a favorable bias for neurotypicality, whiteness, maleness, and other things traditionally deemed “normal” in the workplace. This natural human inclination results in a bias toward team-player personalities and those naturally comfortable in social settings. This tendency excludes many neurodivergent women.
• Neurodiversity is often unheard of or misunderstood. So without accurate knowledge of what this group of people is like, assumptions are made, and management runs with it. 
• Workplace gender inequality is still a thing. The unconscious idea that women are less suited to specific roles exists, and it comes through even more strongly when neurodivergent traits are apparent.
• Sadly, mental illness and mental differences are still taboo, and many aren’t yet able to see beyond a diagnosis, labeling others by it when there isn’t a need to do so.

These facts converge into a situation that can affect 15–20% of the population. 

That’s significant.

Diversification isn’t just a trend, a ploy to accommodate and appease neurodivergent women. It’s a requirement to continue being relevant and innovative. Is the effort worth it? Let’s talk about who we are. 

Who are we?

Neurodiversity encompasses autism, ADHD/ADD, Tourette’s, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, and other mental health expressions. Many of us have an idea of what these conditions may “look” like. Still, that idea is typically based on what we see on television — a form of media where the male representation of these conditions dominates.

According to Zener, D. (2019), “Journey to diagnosis for women with autism,” autistic females are less likely to be diagnosed at an age where appropriate support can be put in place. If they are seen by a medical professional, they are often misdiagnosed as having anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder.

The same applies to ADHD/ADD. If you try to find media representations of dyslexic celebrities and business leaders. Chances are, they are male. 

Recently, in an effort to ensure that my keynote on the topic of neurodiversity at work included successful neurodivergent women of color, I spent five hours combing the web to find representation that was ‘self-disclosed” and well known. I avoid using examples that “others” have diagnosed from afar. I was shocked that examples were not easier to find. The only neurodivergent woman I found who openly discussed her diagnosis is artist, Morgan Harper Nichols. 

As is common in medical research, neurodiversity was studied using mainly male sample groups. Consequently, the diagnostic tools that resulted from these studies favor diagnosis in males rather than females; thus, females are diagnosed less. Therefore, a false paradigm was reinforced that neurodivergence is predominantly male.

Males tend to externalize their distress through disruptive behavior or violence, while females are more likely to turn inward, resulting in psychosomatic symptoms, self-harm behaviors, and anxiety. This tendency is well known and is mirrored in the manifestation of clinical depression and suicidality in men versus women. (Hiller RM et al. 2014, Solomon M et al. 2012)

What to do (and not do) when your employee reveals their neurodivergence

If a neurodivergent woman at work discloses that she is neurodivergent, here are some helpful things to know:

• Her diagnosis will likely take you by surprise. Try not to react with statements like, “Oh! No way you are autistic! You don’t [fill in the blank — flap, have poor eye contact, etc.]. She’s likely been invalidated in this way her entire life. When an employee has the courage to disclose their neurodivergence, immediately dismissing what they are saying undermines their truth.
• Don’t presume anything.
• Don’t reference pop culture examples of neurodiversity. They’re often wildly inaccurate, one-sided representations from a neurotypical perspective only. Never say, “So you’re like….[fillin the blank — Rainman, Sheldon, the Good Doctor, etc.].”
• Listen with an open mind.
• Ask her about previous work experiences and how you can best support her.
• Understand that it takes a lot to disclose a diagnosis, and she is risking much by being open about it.
• Get to know the strengths and weaknesses of her type of neurodiversity and then ask what her lived experience has been.
• Don’t pathologize her symptoms if she experiences difficulties. Respect them instead. No one is perfect, and room for grace is always appropriate.
• Please do not talk about her disclosure to other employees.
• Discuss appropriate workplace accommodations and keep an open mind.
• Be patient with yourself and with her.
• Depending on her diversity, be aware that some tasks and obligations might be difficult or more tiring for your neurodivergent employee than they are for others. 

What neurodivergent women want you to know

• If we don’t appear neurodivergent to you, it doesn’t mean that we aren’t. Masking is extremely common, and it has developed as a survival mechanism.
• We know what we are capable of, and we also know what we cannot do. Please don’t underestimate our abilities.
• Know that many neurodivergent women often don’t comply with society’s idea of what a woman “should” be. Don’t draw conclusions based on normative standards.

I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve been told I act more like a man than a woman. Unfortunately, that’s not considered a good thing by most people, especially men. 

• We don’t use our differences as an excuse for special treatment, so try to bear that in mind when we do things differently.
• We learn differently from others. As such, our career path may look different from the usual.
• We may ask many questions or request clarification in writing more often than expected. There may be several reasons for this. But none of them are because we are stupid or are trying to be annoying.

This is another one that has been challenging for me at work and in personal relationships. I’ve learned to warn people that I ask a lot of questions not to challenge, but to better understand the why and how of what I’m being asked to do. So often, this questioning is read as resistance. Take a step back and hold your judgment. This person may be trying to ensure that she will meet expectations and do an excellent job. 

• We might struggle with speaking up in social situations or may struggle to be heard and understood in meetings. Our colleagues can often miss our ideas because of that. Try to be conscious of this tendency.
• We often have an offbeat sense of humor. Try not to let it offend you.
• Any unexpected bluntness from us isn’t malicious. 

This bluntness causes so many misunderstandings! It’s exhausting to try to make what needs to be said — soft and pretty — like a lady should say it. I’ve spent a lifetime working on reframing what I need to say so that it doesn’t offend, especially in writing. If the person I’m talking with is from the West Coast USA, I tell them I’m a New Englander so I’m direct. Then they may give me a pass!

• We are likely oblivious to office politics and may never be proficient in reading the room for trouble spots.
• Our facial expressions might be hard to read. Just know that it’s not deliberate. We are probably just concentrating hard.

All too often in my life, I’d be processing what was happening in the room, and people mistook my expression for anger. I wasn’t angry. I was processing! There’s a term for that expression. It’s called resting [fill in the blank] face.

In an interview with neurodivergent women on neurodiverging.com, Lauren Melissa, autistic advocate, and creator of AutieTips, had this to say:

“…we do have struggles, but we also have so much to offer. We are inherently valuable in a society that really needs out-of-the-box thinking and innovation in order to overcome the complex issues that we face. Not autistics face, but society as a whole face.”

It’s that last statement from Lauren that makes the point. Modern society as a whole has unique and complex challenges and needs. The one-size-fits-all, best practice, rigid thinking that defined work in the last century is outdated. There is no manual for the problems society faces. The only way is to lean into the complexity and allow the inherent diversity of human beings to be the tool to alleviate some of these issues.

How to support ND women in the workplace…and elsewhere

Jorun Bork wrote the article “5 Ways To Empower Neurodivergent Women In The Workplace” and mentions this gem from a career coach speaking on neurodiversity.

“Assume that all employees are neurodivergent to create an inclusive culture. Don’t assume that everyone would feel comfortable switching desks or not find the lights too bright. Then, if an employee is neurodivergent and you check in with them regarding the seating allocation and the environment, they will feel more supported.” (Bork, J)

Call to action

We need to see human beings for what they are and allow them to be what they are. We are all unique, capable, talented, fragile, and fallible creatures. We all get tired and overwhelmed sometimes. Mental illness is no stranger to many. 

Psychological safety requires a softer, kinder outlook toward all people — neurotypical and atypical. Would not empathy, openness to learning, humility, respect, and childlike curiosity go a long way to improvements in work life, schooling, education, and simple daily life? 

The neurodivergent doesn’t need special treatment — everyone deserves to be treated with understanding and dignity, which then calls for a less selfish outlook. Kindness is always a good idea.

References

Bork, Jorun, https://sheroserevolution.com/jorunbork/neurodivergent-women-in-the-workplace/

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Autism Spectrum Disorder Data and Statistics, 2022. Atlanta, Georgia: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Attention-Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Data and Statistics, 2021. Atlanta, Georgia: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.)

Doyle N. Neurodiversity at work: A biopsychosocial model and the impact on working adults. Br Med Bull; 2020. doi: 10.1093/bmb/ldaa021.

Hiller RM et al. (2014), Sex differences in Autism Spectrum Disorder based on DSM-5 criteria: evidence from clinician and teacher reporting. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology. 42(8), 1381–1393

Solomon M et al. (2012) Autism symptoms and internalizing psychopathology in girls and boys with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. 42, 48–59.

Zener, D. (2019), Advances in Autism, Vol. 5 №1, pp. 2–13. https://doi.org/10.1108/AIA-10-2018-0041

Neurodiversity Definition

Neurodiversity: this term refers to a general diversity of minds. It includes people who are neurotypical and neurodivergent. When I talk about promoting neurodiversity in the workplace, for example, I am referring to creating a diverse workforce representative of the broad spectrum that exists when it comes to ways of thinking, processing information, communication, and learning. Some employees may be “normal” or neurotypical while others may have ADHD, Dyslexia, Autism, or trauma impacted ways of thinking. I am not referring to any particular label or diagnosis, but rather, the concept of an environment where a diversity of minds coexist.

Neurodiverse: This word is pretty much the same as neurodiversity, but should be used as an adjective. You can say, for example, that your workplace is neurodiverse.

Be careful though, because you should never describe a person as being neurodiverse. Individual people should be described as neurodivergent.

Neurodivergent: This word describes an individual whose way of thinking falls outside of society’s defined version of normal. Oftentimes you will see it abbreviated as ND.

Many times, neurodivergent people will have a diagnosis or label you may recognize, like autism, dyslexia, or ADHD. But neurodivergent people are also those with epilepsy, different kinds of brain trauma, or simply a unique way of thinking that may not have a specific diagnosis.

---

Photo credit: DisobeyArt /iStockphoto Standard License

---